Lickin & groomin in Reverse "To Mother"

From: Marie Hunter
Date: 4/21/2009 1:53:11 PM
To: LoLyn
Subject: Re: Our MOther

WOW!
If she doesn't get something highly positive from this, she never will
from anything. Thank you for sharing.

Marie J Hunter

From: Glenn Jacobs
Date: 4/21/2009 1:41:58 PM
To: LoLyn
Subject: Re: Our MOther

Lynda,

I am glad you wrote this essay to Mother.

I am only sorry I did not realize the connections and write the same essay to her myself.

Glenn
----- Original Message -----
From: LoLyn
To: hunterma@uvu.edu ; glenn3@frontiernet.net
Sent: Tuesday, April 21, 2009 11:50 AM
Subject: Our MOther


I am mailing this to Our mother today.

April 21, 2009

Dear Mother (Lucy Baca Jacobs Livermore)

I am not your enemy.

I’m sorry you are so afraid of me, and choose to interpret the things I try to share with you as such a burden and so much trouble.

I love you very much.

I have many happy memories of my childhood and my young motherhood with you there at my side.

On the other hand there are painful flash backs that haunt me constantly and create in me a lack of peace,

a post traumatic nightmare state that causes me a great deal of harm.

I know you know exactly what I mean, because you have the same type of flashbacks from post traumatic stress.

For thirty years I’ve been trying to share with you what I learn about myself ,

hoping to both help myself and you to have more peaceful lives.

I know first hand how difficult it is to live with the tapes in our heads of abuse and grief;

your actual events were so much more tragic than any of mine,

I can’t even stand to think of how much grief and pain you have born.

But you carried the resilient gene and in doing so, I now have figured out,

you were able to dissociate from the pain of abuse in early childhood, in elementary school, high school and marriage.

Dissociation used to be described as having a double personality.

You actually perceive yourself drifting away from your body to avoid the pain;

some even have memory lapse or time loss to avoid the painful moments or hours of their lives when the pain was unbearable.

You still do that to avoid the pain of your childhood rather than facing it.

Just telling me to “rip up that chapter” that described your abuse,

and telling me “that secret will go to my grave.”

That 90 years later trying to cover a secret shame.

The shame that you should not even own. You did nothing wrong.

You are not to blame for your step mother’s insane behaviors;

for your fathers negligence or ignorance of the facts.

Really, how could he NOT know about it.

But that would shatter your perfect image of him, and drop him from his celestial pedestal.

They are probably not to blame either; as they were probably as much victims as were you, and I.

Mother. The abuse was not your fault.

Your Father probably loved and adored you as you remember, but it was a different era.

He did not know what to do to protect you.

Leaving on trips and avoiding confrontation with the bitch was all he knew how to do to protect himself.

You did nothing wrong. You did not deserve to be treated the way they treated you.

You deserved to be treated like a princess, a priestess, a goddess that you were created to be;

a child of your Heavenly Father who loves you beyond all your ability to recognize.

The youngest daughter of a triplet. The rightful ascendant to the Mayan Throne.

The greatest granddaughter to escape Spain as an early immigrant to the young country of Mexico.



You can rumple this up, light a match and burn it; but it will do no good.

You have read it. It is in your mind now, and if you will allow it to dwell there,

you will have some modicum of peace for the rest of your days.

That’s all I want for you. I’m not trying to torture you or hurt you.



Lola Lynda

AKA LoLyn